i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize