I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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