Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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