Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
