But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
