he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
