Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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