I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
