Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
