What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
