I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
