He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
