My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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