just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize