Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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