this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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