An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
