It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize