I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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