those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
