mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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