And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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