just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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