I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
