reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
