We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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