I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
