She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
