he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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