I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
