mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
