Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
