this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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