who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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