It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
