idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize