Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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