I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
