i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
