The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
