His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
