I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
