i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
