Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
