about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
