hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
