Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
