worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
