please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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