I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pants are for mortals
That's how pantless uber rides happen
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
