peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
