3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
