She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
