She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
