3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
