Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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