the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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