Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
