A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
