It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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