He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
