making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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