I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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