is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
