Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
