yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
