all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
