I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
