I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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