Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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