What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
