I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
