new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
