found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
