Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
